I have been meaning to do this for some time, but have not known exactly what to write. I think I now have some thoughts together.
Kent was a very unique and mostly talented guy, and had a true passion for a lot of things in life. Unfortunately, he chose to end all of that on September 25, 2010, when he took his own life. I have felt very alone since he left, being the only one left in my immediate family. Kent was my only sibling. We have not always seen eye to eye on many issues, but I still cared about him and loved him, and I know there were other people who felt the same. Kent was not emotionally stable. I've known this for many years. My mother used to call frequently when he was in one of his "low" states, being concerned that he would somehow end his life. So, even though I was shocked and saddened by the news, I was not totally surprised. Kent really did need some medical attention, but just never chose to get it. Most of Kent's friends only saw him when he was passionately involved in one of his "causes," but I interacted with Kent a lot when he was in one of his "desperate lows." He almost seemed to be more receptive to me during those times. During this last bout with depression, I tried talking him through it, but to no avail. I believe he had decided to end his life and there wasn't anything that anyone could do.
Kent had a special talent for finding the beauty of this earth through his photography. As Bruce and I were looking at some of his old photos the other night, I realized once again how talented he really was. He was passionate about his photography and was always excited and happy when he was shooting pictures. He enjoyed traveling on photo shooting trips, and had a knack for capturing shots at just the right moment. Later in his life, the passion he felt for life was focused towards the "causes" that he believed in, and he almost completely left his photography, the thing that I believe really brought him happiness.
Kent had people that he truly cared deeply for, but he was not always good at relating to others, and was not always kind. I believe that part of that came from never being married and having children. You learn a lot through the experience of having a family. We often times had discussions about how he regretted not having a family, and not being able to carry on the Knudson name. I also know it was something my mother wanted to see happen before she passed. Kent had a disdain for the LDS religion, because he felt that it pulled our family apart. That's because he could never see the "big" picture. In reality, he was probably the one that most separated the family. I always tried to make him feel a part of our family, by inviting him to family functions and events, which he most often did not take advantage of. I know he loved Brent and Tom. He never took the time to really get to know Paula, which is unfortunate because I think she inherited some of his passion for life. Hopefully, he can see all of that now.
I have many memories of Kent...some good, some not so good. I hope as the years pass, that the tender and happy memories that I have will be the ones that linger, while the other ones fade. I hope he is happy, as he no longer has to suffer from the depression that held him captive. Hopefully, he is taking in the "whole big photo" and capturing the beauty that surrounds him. Kent, I love you and will miss you until we are together again.
